Star-Spangled Controversy Pits Martial Anthem Against Pacifist College

Playing “The Star-Spangled Banner” at intercollegiate sporting events in the United States is as commonplace as, well, apple pie. But until now, the national anthem has never been performed at Goshen College, a small 116-year-old institution in Indiana whose ties to the pacifist Mennonite Church led it, among other things, to ban the song because of its martial lyrics. According to the Associated Press, the college has agreed to allow the anthem’s performance in order to be more welcoming of visitors and students from outside the faith (only 55 percent of the enrollment is Mennonite). But the decision has split the college, with hundreds signing an anti-anthem petition and some 900 joining a Facebook page called “Against Goshen College Playing National Anthem.” The college has compromised, however: The version of the song to be performed starting next month will be instrumental.

Happy Groundhog Day 2010

Punxsutawney Phil is the only true weather forecasting groundhog. The others are just impostors.

How many “Phils” have there been over the years? There has only been one Punxsutawney Phil. He has been making predictions for over 120 years!

Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking the “elixir of life,” a secret recipe. Phil takes one sip every summer at the Groundhog Picnic and it somehow adds years to his life.

The ceremony in Punxsutawney was held in secret until 1966, and Phil’s prediction was only revealed in secret to the Groundhog Club. Since then, Phil’s fearless forecast has been a national media event.

On February 2, Phil comes out of his burrow on Gobbler’s Knob–in front of thousands of followers from all over the world–to predict the weather for the rest of winter.

According to legend, if Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter weather. If he does not see his shadow, there will be an early spring.

Phil’s forecasts are not made in advance by some Inner Circle. After Phil emerges from his burrow on February 2, he speaks to the Groundhog Club president in “Groundhogese” (a language only understood by the current president of the Inner Circle). His proclamation is then translated for the world.

The celebration of Groundhog Day began with Pennsylvania’s earliest settlers. They brought with them the old Scottish legend of Candlemas Day, which states, “For as the sun shines on Candlemas Day, so far will the snow swirl in May…” or “If Candlemas Day is bright and clear, there’ll be two winters in the year.”

Phil started making predictions in 1887 and has become an American institution.

Punxsutawney held its first Groundhog Day in the 1800s. The first official trek to Gobbler’s Knob was made on February 2, 1887.

So the story goes, Punxsutawney Phil was named after King Phillip. Prior to being called Phil, he was known as Br’er Groundhog.

The Economy Is So Bad That…

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer. Read on…

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Highway Patrol officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”

So he hits the lights and siren and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that in addition to the elderly lady driver, there are four other elderly ladies as passengers, one in the front seat and three in the back. And all four passengers are wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says, “Officer, what seems to be the problem? I am sure I wasn’t speeding.”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving very slow can also be a danger to other drivers.” Read on…

Accidents happen. But how they happen is subject to interpretation. Here are some typical explanations.

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.

The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. Read on…

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, “Hey old man, have you ever danced?” The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No, I never did dance… never really wanted to.”

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, “Well, you old fool, you’re gonna’ dance now,” and started shooting at the old man’s feet. The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied. Read on…