Happy Groundhog Day 2010

Punxsutawney Phil is the only true weather forecasting groundhog. The others are just impostors.
How many “Phils” have there been over the years? There has only been one Punxsutawney Phil. He has been making predictions for over 120 years!
Punxsutawney Phil gets his longevity from drinking the “elixir of life,” a secret recipe. Phil […]

The Economy Is So Bad That…

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”
CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or […]

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Highway Patrol officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”
So he hits the lights and siren and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that in addition to […]

Accidents happen. But how they happen is subject to interpretation. Here are some typical explanations.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I […]

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the […]

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a […]